New Year, Road Ahead

I hope the road ahead is all sunshine, moonshine, perfect combination shots, ice cold free beer, scalding hot deep fried chicken, a bucket of only blueberry flavored Life-Savor suckers, Atomic Fireballs, twenty minutes in complete darkness in a tree swing swinging and watching bats, a sincere compliment, a real hug, a critical truth, a cheap chunky plastic ring, pink and green, the adrenaline high of racing, a neon sign for hot krispy kreme, loud music in a fast car on a day off with no particular place to go and cool thing or two in the mail. I hope there is a pit stop now and then with momentary distractions of roadside attractions with cheap tee-shirts and neat bumper stickers. I hope there is a gas station and it is a dirty place with boiled peanuts and gas station hot dogs, especially the kind that smell like rotten arm pits but taste like heaven wrapped in orange grease stained wax paper. I hope the road ahead is littered with an occasional pickled dinner consisting of pickled eggs, sausages, beef jerky, slim jims and I hope before I kick the illusional bucket I will man up just enough to try a pickled pigs foot. I hope the road ahead has a left with u-turn so I can hit some of the spots I have seen before but I am letting go of going back. I am also quickly letting go wondering where I am actually going. I do hope the road for all of you is littered with all of the above because they are my very favorite tangible things and I would give them to you if I could.

Christmas In Costa Rica - No Santa, Kick ASS!

I am so excited to have found this description of Christmas in Costa Rica:


Ticos have their own special way of celebrating Christmas or “Navidad”. Most of the traditions are based on popular religious beliefs, and many are similar to those of other Latin American countries. Of course, Costa Ricans always like to do things their way….the Tico way. December is probably the most festive month of the year, as the Ticos look forward to vacation from work or school, eating traditional foods, meeting up with friends and family and, of course, “mucha fiesta”! Costa Ricans get together with their families to prepare for the birth of Baby Jesus and the New Year to come. Along with intense religious celebration in this predominantly Catholic country, there is another reason for an exciting atmosphere – money! Every working Tico is required by law to receive an “aguinaldo” from their employer, a Christmas bonus established by the government equal to one month’s salary. The streets become full of people spending their aguinaldo at the “chinamos”, small seasonal street vendors only around during the holiday season. Items for sale range from manger scenes called “Pasitos”, to decorations like lights and ornaments, to cheap toys for children. Also for sale in markets and street stalls are piles of gleaming apples and grapes. Visitors may wonder where all this fruit grows in Costa Rica during December. While many tropical fruits grow all year round, these are actually imported for the holiday season, as apples and grapes are a considered a special Christmas treat for Ticos. December is also special in Costa Rica because the season changes from rainy to dry, and the days are cool and sunny. You can hear the Ticos say that it feels like Christmas or “pura Navidad” when the cool wind comes. The nights are clear and starry, and the air is crisp compared to the muggier months of the rainy season. Ticos celebrate Christmas by decorating a tree, usually a cypress, with a gold star on top and bright lights and ornaments, much like the U.S. Ticos generally prefer “louder” light decorations with plenty of odd flashing patterns. Every house in Costa Rica has a Christmas tree, specially cut to be big and round, and presents are placed underneath for adults to give to each other near midnight on “Noche Buena”, Christmas Eve. The gifts for children come on Christmas day. Instead of Santa coming to bring presents, Baby Jesus is credited with the wonderful gifts. However, as more and more foreigners influence Costa Rica, Santa is starting to make stops there! That being said, in Costa Rica you still ask the niños “What did the Baby bring you?” Another very important tradition is “el portal”, the portrayal of the manger scene with Mary, Joseph, animals, the three Magic Kings, and all the shepherds and their sheep. Construction of each family’s portal is a well-planned event, usually culminating with inviting friends and family over to show off the decorations. Portals are filled with crafted wood, decorative papers of different colors, plant mosses, ramps to create different levels, multi-colored sawdust, glitter, and lighting. On December 24th at midnight, not before, Baby Jesus is born and is placed in the portal where he stays until the three Magic Kings come to see him on January 6th. Ticos have a late night Christmas Eve dinner with a pork leg and tamales. Costa Rican tamales are made from corn flour and can contain potato puree, chorizo (a spicy pork sausage), a special achiote rice, shredded pork or chicken, and other vegetables wrapped in banana leaves and boiled. For a really fancy tamal, expect olives and capers in the mix. Eggnog, heavy with rum, is drunk, while people visit friends and family to give presents before midnight. Then, the midnight mass or “Misa del Gallo” is attended. It’s a long service, and often Ticos are too tired to make it all the way through the two hour mass! With the Tico traditions of food, fun and family, Christmas is definitely the happiest time of the year.

Making New Colors

When I was seventeen I wanted to invent a new color. The closest I have ever gotten to that goal was having sex with virgins or feeling the blinding excessive pain just before un-conscieousness. Figuring out how to put that color on paper eludes me still.

Lenny Bruce

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. Lenny Bruce

Communism is like one big phone company. Lenny Bruce

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. Lenny Bruce

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do. Lenny Bruce

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up. Lenny Bruce

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God. Lenny Bruce

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses. Lenny Bruce

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone. Lenny Bruce

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. Lenny Bruce

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. Lenny Bruce

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it. Lenny Bruce

The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is. Lenny Bruce

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them. Lenny Bruce

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't. Lenny Bruce

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter. Lenny Bruce

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds. Lenny Bruce

There are never enough I Love You's. Lenny Bruce

When you're eight years old nothing is your business. Lenny Bruce

Gift of the Bullpen

The best gift of all was seeing my friends. An odd thing occurred that made me feel completely contented – far more maybe than the Bright Goodson day even. I stood in that building a few stores down from where my great grandfather’s cleaver hammered down in the Finley’ Meat Market looking around and I smelled dip of all things. Somebody was dipping and nothing bad ever happens when any of my friends could chill out and dip, which was gross, but I loved that smell. Nobody dips anymore. So that smell was comforting and then Jeff, Lance and Jamey walked in and Jamey looked exactly the same and there is something to be said for one thing that is constant. My husband rocked the hat all night long and I was never more in love with him. I rediscovered just exactly how incredibly smart and funny Eric is. Jon Bennett and Autumn came from Gaffney and though they missed Aaron because he was late they had a good time. For a while though Autumn wanted to know if she should tell Jamey that she was Jon’s date. [He was so excited to see Jon he was kind of in Jon’s lap momentarily]. Jon didn’t mind. John and Lance disappeared briefly to GBOH to inspect the local culture – they reported that the view was both young and very appealing. A good time had by us. Fabulous.

Christmas Gifts

This might have been the best Christmas ever. My girls did not receive a gross amount of STUFF from grandparents piling crap onto crap in a race to see who could give more gifts. We only bought the Wii and four dress up dresses for Riley. For a few moments I was a tad nervous and worried about the Spartan nature of things then I realized that the squealing was a delightful thankful squealing and not a groaning. The girls were Happy. Happy with very little? Finley said she was thankful not to have so much little weird “crappy” stuff to unpack, unwrap put away. It has also been our policy for years that what comes in goes out, so the girls would get two bags of stuff they would have to find two bags of stuff to donate, so they are pleased to skip it. My mother and father generally spent a grand on my kids. Mom is dead. Dad gave Finley two DS games and Riley got a Barbie and a DVD, which rocks by the way.

The opening sentence to this had the word might in it for a reason. It would have been perfect if my dad weren’t an emotional retard. He can’t help it. I think he means well but he came over with a box and told John not to give it to me right then because it would make me cry. Something that is going to make you cry is not a gift. He gave me a bunch of old photo albums, none with much to do about me. But with photos of mom and my other two step dads. Not what I want to see on Christmas morning. My mom died on Dec 2. He keeps giving me very emotional stuff like that for Christmas and some stuff that my mother left me in her will that I sort of already feel like is mine. So it is weird. I am not mad – it is just exhausting. I’d rather he bring everything he is ever going to give me of my mother’s at once and just let me grieve already. I feel like I have to constantly brace myself for what’s coming. I can’t relax. It makes everything hard.

Yellowjacket

Yellowjacket

A yellowjacket caught up
Trapped in an open cell
Of a window with blinds

Screams to be liberated
Never turning to see release
In anger pounding the glass

Trapped to dance and buzz
Spinning so that she can not see
Clearly the exit of salvation

She will wither and dry
The sun baking her clean
To rest upon my sill

In the sunlight she is stilled
Quieted until the cracking body
Is lifted with tissue and broken

Thrown away for her inability
Knowing not when and where
To be quiet and calm

I am a yellowjacket
Learning to be still.


Kimberly L. Stansfield